I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize