I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
