At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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