Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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