I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A+ Viking dick
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