Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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