Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
