Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
