So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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