Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
