Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this will be a night to untag.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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