is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
