are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
