I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
