sorry about calling you the devil all night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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