The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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