I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
