help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
