Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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