dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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