i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
