Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
