Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
