your parents love me but you hate me
Screwed.edu
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
