jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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