I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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