I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
