how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
