stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
