Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
