I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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