I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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