Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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