good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was born a porn star she said
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
