hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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