Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
