You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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