You just made me feel so damn special
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
