I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.