I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
