if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize