She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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