I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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