omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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