don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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