Yo dont text me then not text me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
