Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
