yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
