I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
