More tranny stories later!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
