I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?