If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top