Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade