I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.