I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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