i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
