I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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