JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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