I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
