I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
