I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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