Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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