Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
cat food counts as protein by the way
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
