"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
