when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
