I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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