there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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