guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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