yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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