So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
