Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
