If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
