I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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