Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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