so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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