Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Couch. On fire.
false alarm, still single
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
