p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
