you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
