take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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