This is not my ceiling
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
