Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize