P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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