im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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